; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
