Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
