Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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