I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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