Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
