You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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