I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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