So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's the barista slut.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
