From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
