They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
