i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Panties = found
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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