By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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