Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
