made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
