I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
