awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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