you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
