my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
