So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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