Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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