so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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