guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
