Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
