Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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