Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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