I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
