He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
