Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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