I'm passing your future prison.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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