That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
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