A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
