Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
