I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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