i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
