We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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