I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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