I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
