we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
