I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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