yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
