He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
