The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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