its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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