apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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