Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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