Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
