You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
