I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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