You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
