my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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