new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
