The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
