I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
