hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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