I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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