I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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