Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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