So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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