Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
