I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I could make wine with my vomit
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
