In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
