she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
