nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
