i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
