Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize