An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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