so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
