I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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