My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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