Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
