a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
