a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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