No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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