i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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