ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
