The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just gargled with NyQuil
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
